Family

I struggled for a while before writing this post. Do I share? Do I not?

I write this from my perspective. This week has affected many, what I share is what I feel, no one else.

My maternal grandmother passed away this week. It was not overly unexpected, she had alzheimer's, got pnuemonia and just couldn't recover. My sister and I took turns at her bedside, supporting our mom. 

I didn't really have a relatonship with my grandmother, we lived too far away to visit much,and when she moved closer, it was because of the alzheimers, and the woman my cousins knew was already disappearing. 

So, truly I feel very little loss. I don't regret not knowing her her either.

Supporting my mom and helping her was my main focus.  Yes, it was emotional comforting and watching my grandmother progress to the end.

It was incredibly hard for me, but not nearly as hard it was on my mom and her siblings who couldn't be here all week.  Slowly they trickled in, coming as soon as they could.  My mom's family has never been close, and family gatherings have been few and far between. 

Putting it mildly, it has been an emotionally exhausing week.  The service is planned for tomorrow and then they will all scatter across the country, back to their own lives and families.

This is not a sad post.

Last night, in the midst of wind storm that knocked out power at my house and dumped snow overnight, they came to my house.  I warned them all, my aunts and cousins, before they came out, I have no power!
But still they came. 
Luckily the power was restored before too long.

I reconnected with cousins that I never realized I had things in common with.  My kids and theirs played together almost instantly, even though they'd never met. Yes, there were tears and reactions that were fueled more by lack of sleep and stess than any rational thoughts. But there was also laughter, hugs and chocolate covered pretzels.

My mom and two of her sisters went home just after midnight.

These next two days will be just as exhausting.

But you know, if this wasn't happening at this particular time, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to know my extended family and lend my strength and support to a situation that I feel uniquely qualified to help with. More than likely, I wouldn't even know anything was happening, nor would they be aware of my experiences or would take my offers seriously.

My heart aches for those around me struggling to process the events of the last week, but personally I wonder at the timing of it all.
So, please, don't feel sorry for my loss.

I have lost little but gained much.